[Пелиас почти кофийский]

Дальше меня немного напрягла география рассказа.

Цитата: Все это время киммериец и аквилонка странствовали по джунглям на границе Куша и Дарфара. Дорога на север для авантюристов была закрыта – в Стигии их разыскивали за убийство двух офицеров. Идти на восток через весь Дарфар, чтобы добраться до цивилизованного Кешана не хотелось ни Конану, ни Валерии, юг был и вовсе неведом. Оставался запад – Конан планировал дойти до моря, где у него были друзья еще по временам пиратства в Западном океане. До поры до времени им удавалось избегать встреч с дарфарцами, но прошлой ночью разведывательный отряд Узури вышел на их след.

всё дело в том что лично я придерживаюсь географии от Риппке, а у него вот такая карта:




тут Куш и Дарфар не граничат. Но это, да, спорно.
Вообще Риппке пишет, что Юг от Стигии на известной карте - не рисовал Говард, а нарисовали другие:

Цитата: Two years after Howard’s death in June 1936, the LANY Corporation published a booklet titled THE HYBORIAN AGE. Its contents included Howard’s essay, “The Hyborian Age” as well as “A Probable Outline of Conan’s Career” by P. Schuyler-Miller and Dr. John Clark. The booklet also contained a map of the Hyborian lands, drawn by Miller and Clark, and based on the map that Howard had mailed them. The LANY map was the first Hyborian Age map that the general public had ever seen, and has since become the basis for all of the maps that have been produced over the decades. So how accurate is it? For the most part, it’s pretty darn close. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say that they traced Howard’s map, the differences between the two are really minimal. The LANY map doesn’t show the world as far north as the Howard map does, but it does show various rivers, as well as the nation of Stygia and the lands to its south, something the Howard map lacks. In essence, Miller and Clark conjured the southern section of the map out of clues and hints in the texts and grafted the result onto their map. By claiming that the LANY map was based on a map prepared by Robert E. Howard, they gave the impression that every feature on their map had its origin on Howard’s map, an impression that is simply not true. So once again the question seems to be “How accurate is it?” The answer would seem to be “Fairly close, but there seem to be some serious problems with it”.

вот что ещё пишет Риппке: приведу сразу, чтобы не искать это эссе ещё раз.

KUSH (CUSH)
Howard describes Kush as being the northernmost, as well as the westernmost of the grassland kingdoms. Its capital is Shumballa, which lies amid the nation’s great grassland plains. Kush is second nation listed of the four “vast black kingdoms” lying to the south of Stygia, so it is probably the second largest of the black kingdoms. The Kush of Conan’s day is but a remnant of a far larger Kushite nation that was formed when competing Stygian tribes invaded and occupied the western grasslands and desert. Eventually, the Stygians were unable to exert the constant control that the region needed to keep it from falling into anarchy, and the nation dissolved. Kush is now considered a black kingdom, although its aristocracy is Chaga, of Stygian descent. From the stories set in Conan’s time, it appears that its Kush’s northern border extends in a narrow strip parallel to the Stygian border from a forested coast on the Western Sea eastward at least 400 miles or so. To the south of the eastern segment of this strip lies a huge desert. The nation extends southward along the coast until it reaches the rain forests of the region. Its eastern border isn’t really defined, although its southeastern border lies in the grasslands within raiding distance of the jungle town of Bakalah. I believe that Kush’s eastern border most likely ends at the edge of the great desert that lies to its east.
In historical Africa, Cush was another name for the ancient kingdom of Nubia that existed in what is now northern Sudan.
KORDAFAN
Kordafan is an independent black kingdom, mentioned in the synopsis for “The Snout in the Dark”. When L. Sprague DeCamp and Lin Carter finished the story for the Lancer books, they renamed the nation Kordafa, even though Howard had spelled it Kordafan. The nation’s cartographic placement isn’t given, although its people are described as having a dusky skin tone. This implies that the country has, at the least, a Stygian component. Kordafan is probably a remnant of the original Stygian occupation of the western grasslands, perhaps a part of Stygian Kush.
In historical Africa, Kordofan (Kordufan) is a former province of central Sudan.
THE SOUTHERN DESERT
This vast, desolate desert lies to the east of Kush and covers a great expanse of the western grassland region. Howard used the desert as the setting of “Xuthal of the Dusk”, placing the lost city of Xuthal deep within its western region. The desert took stage again in the unfinished fragment that would eventually become known as the “Drums of Tombalku”. Kothic exiles built the city of Gazal on an oasis in the eastern part of the desert, while far to the southwest lay the politically divided city of Tombalku. It is also the home of tribes of desert nomads; the Ghanata in the east and the mask-wearing Tibu far to the south. The total extent of this desert is a bit nebulous. Howard, in his “Drums of Tombalku” fragment, has the Aquilonian warrior Amalric (who has been roaming the desert for months, but is currently encamped at a palm-bordered spring) expressing disbelief that there is a city nearby, stating that he thought there was only desert for a thousand miles. This is a pretty incredulous statement, since it seems to imply the possibility that the desert is somewhere between one thousand to two thousand miles across (depending where he is camped upon it). This seems to be patently impossible since it would make the desert be twice as wide as the nation of Stygia. Honestly, a two thousand mile wide desert would stretch from Kush eastward to the ocean off Iranistan, not to mention completely displace the region of Darfar. While I believe that Howard intended for this desert to seem huge, my opinion is that Amalric is engaging in a fair bit of hyperbole. The desert seems to be encompassed by Kush to the west and north, Stygia to the northeast, Darfar and Amazon to the east and a segment of grassland to the south inhabited by various black tribes, members of the empire of Tombalku.
TOMBALKU
The empire of Tombalku was formed when riders from the semi-mythical city of Tombalku subjugated the tribes of the southwestern part of the Southern Desert and the black races of the steppes to the south. Subject tribes comprising the Empire include the Tibu, Bagirmi, Mandingo, Dongala, Bornu, as well as other tribes to the south of the desert. It doesn’t appear that Tombalku really borders on any other major kingdoms, with the exception of possibly Kush.
In historical Africa, Timbuktu, located in Mali, is a major commercial center in the western Sudan.
DARFAR
On the grasslands south of eastern Stygia, lies the region of Darfar. The actual cartographic location of Darfar seems to be quite a ways removed from the nation of Kush. Like Kush, it is described as being part of the grassland region; however the southern part of eastern Stygia also lies on the northern part of those grasslands (the frontier-town of Sukhmet lies amid the level grasslands). Northwestern Darfar seems to be part of the grasslands, followed by a hill-range and then forest as one heads southward. The forest at the point where Valeria crossed it doesn’t seem to be terribly deep, north to south. It began upon leaving the hills; she could still see them when she looked to the north. That means the forest is at most thirty to thirty-five miles deep where she crossed it, since it ended a bit south of her vantage point. Amid the southern part of the forest lies the lost city of Xuchotl. West of the forest lies open savannas where black tribes graze their cattle. “Shadows in Zamboula” also describes the inhabitants of Darfar as being “swamp-bred black men”, so I imagine that a huge part of eastern Darfar is swampland and marshes. I also find it interesting that neither Conan nor Valeria believe that the Darfari could have built the city of Xuchotl (although I gather that they did under duress), but instead expected to see beehive huts or cliff dwellings; i.e. villages. Southern Darfar is also referred to in the tale as an unexplored region. This adds to the feeling that Darfar may not be a civilized nation, but instead is a wilderness region inhabited by a dominant cultural group like Cimmeria or the Pictish Wilderness. I also feel that the River Styx either flows through or marks the eastern border of Darfar. The large numbers of slaves from Darfar ending up in Zamboula would also make sense, since it would be a relatively short trip down the river.
In historical Africa, Darfur is a region and former sultanate in western Sudan. Howard’s Darfar also shares another feature with a part of southern Sudan; the Sudd, considered by many to be the “most formidable swamp in the world”. It is vast and impenetrable, and at its greatest extent covers 130,000 square kilometers in area.

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Цитата: Знаешь Пелиас оно вроде и правильно все критикуешь. Вроде как, на первый взгляд. Но из уст автора пишущего про "глянцевых кузнечиков прыгающих салатовыми фонтанчиками" обвинения в обилии прилагательных...ну ты понял, да?

я и не говорю, что я идеально пишу
но это ж не мешает мне оценивать текст, как человеку, читавшему Говарда и представляющему, что там должно быть. Ну просто, я же пишу не чтобы обидеть, а чтобы ты улучшил всё в дальнейших текстах))) Я и не отрицаю, что мои тоже не вполне совершенны))))